(c) April 2011
“I Yam what I Yam” ~ Popeye
Gamer and I had an interesting discussion the other day about the several interpretations of a 24/7 BDSM relationship. The discussion began as it often does from various posts on Fetlife. We had both been reading posts that were discussing the difficulties of living the “lifestyle” 24/7. Neither of us subscribe or feel comfortable with a great deal of protocols in our lives and our relationship. As a submissive I am permitted a great many liberties that from what I understand from the writings and discussion with more formal households would be either punished outright or not allowed. I also have been asked many times how I reconcile my stubborn spunky nature with my desire to be submissive. I have been accused many times from more formal Dominants of being a ‘Toppy Little Bitch’ and I am sure Gamer has been asked on more than one or two occasions why he tolerates such behavior from me.
Some of the questions we get asked are: Do Gamer and I live the lifesyle 24/7? How do we manage our ‘vanilla’ life with that of our BDSM lifestyle? How do we integrate the two? For myself, I think the key here is an understanding and acceptance of self. Let me elaborate.
I have no doubt that I am a service submissive. I am naturally inclined to give of my talents and skills to those who have earned my admiration and respect. When I love you, whether as partner and/or friend I adopt you in my mind and heart as belonging to me. Thus, you become my responsibility to take care of and serve. I do this without thinking, at a visceral emotional level as naturally as breathing. For me, this is not a role I adopt a few times a week for shits and giggles. This is literally who and what I am. I accept this as part of my nature and how I identify as a person. If you were to meet me , you would discover a plump menopause queen, sharp tongued, quick witted, quick to laugh and very direct. I don’t call a spade a spade, I call a spade a fucking shovel. If you can’t handle the heat get the hell out of the kitchen.
Gamer is a sadist pure and simple. I can vouch for the fact that watching me squirm in pain coupled with orgasm makes his dick hard. He is pretty damn creative with what he comes up with in the ways to alternatively and sometimes simultaneously torture and pleasure me. He is dominant without a question, very protective and when he chooses to lay down the law, there is no doubt in my mind who is in charge. He worked law enforcement for many years and I can tell by the set of his jaw and the look in his eye where the limits are. He has a dark and devious mind. He is as subtle as I am direct. If you were to meet him in person you would find a handsome, affable, jolly Englishman with an easy laugh, a somewhat lazy demeanor, very personable and infinitely likable. Gamer’s sadism is as much a part of who he is as his easy laugh and love of a good beer.
We don’t have many formal protocols within our dynamic, we don’t have a list of rituals that we go through to find our head space. We don’t live the ‘lifestyle’ and we don’t distinguish between ‘vanilla’ and our BDSM. What we do, is live our lives with who we are with truth and acceptance. We do that 24/7, 365 days a year no matter how we label it or attempt to define it. Gamer is a mean fucker and a sadist and I am a submissive woman period. That is not contradicted when I demand good service at the grocery store or shift into overdrive to run an efficient household while working full-time in a demanding career. Gamer is no less a sadist and a Dominant when he chooses to delegate the day-to-day running of things to me. Not being big on micromanagement, Gamer gives me a great deal of leeway to do as I see fit, trusting that I will put his needs first and foremost.
Gamer is my Dominant, he is my Master, he is my Governor and the love of my life. I don’t need Gorean-like rituals and protocols to make that true or to serve him better. By being himself he inspires my love, my devotion and my service. One look from him can silence me instantly. One touch can have me kneel at his feet literally and/or figuratively. It matters little if we are dealing with our day-to-day lives amongst the ‘vanilla’ or in the bedroom. We are who we are.
We are Dominant/submissive, Master/slave, Daddy/girl. When we accept that about ourselves we no longer need the protocols, categories or labels such as ‘24/7’ or ‘BDSM lifestyle’ to make that true. We simply are who we are.