Tag Archives: submission

16Aug/13

Intent vs Intentions

good intentions

Good Intetions

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

by GamerUK

(c) August 2013 All Rights Reserved

I keep thinking about Intent vs. Intentions because, in my mind, these are a huge integral part of BDSM, and yet can be quite difficult to describe during discussion or negotiation, Especially if you haven’t thought about it much previously. I finally decided to simplify things~from my perspective~as much as possible.

‘Intentions’ are what we want to do, or are trying to accomplish.

Intent is ‘Why’ we are doing those things.

As kinky folks, we do some interesting things and we tend to talk about what we enjoy, and what we’d like to give/do to, or receive from, others. We talk about dribbling wax in various ways, about suspension in rope. We discuss inflicting pain with floggers, crops, whips, or maybe being required to dress in a specific manner (cissification, costume play, adult baby/diaper lover).

It’s not as common to discuss ‘Why’ we want to do something with another person, even when we’re negotiating with them. For many of us, just discussing what we want to do with our partner is enough. For those of us that enjoy sensation play, just getting to participate in giving or receiving can be its’ own justification. We enjoy different sensations. Some of us enjoy being in control, or being controlled to various degrees. It can be 24/7, a bedroom/play activity or something we need at various points in our life.

I have found that explaining my Intent, the ‘why’ I want to do something, a plan I want to implement, often leads to a better understanding between myself and others. It doesn’t always help get agreement on my terms, but its’ a great way to steer everyone who consents towards the same goal. I think sometimes we don’t discuss the reason behind pursuing our kink activities because we don’t want to leave ourselves vulnerable to ridicule or rejection because of the ‘Why’.

I love explaining the intent behind things with people I trust & want to build trust with. Telling someone ‘you’re really attractive’ and that I’d like to have them over my knee and spank them is a good opening for negotiation (though not real classy). I find it much better to follow up as part of negotiation with ‘because it arouses me to see a gorgeous woman’s backside turn the colour of a ripe peach’. It explains my motivations.

Sure you don’t need the flowery wording, but explaining the ‘Why’ can be a powerful part of negotiation. When you can explain the ‘why’ of what you want to do or explore, you are opening yourself up to your partners, which can be a great trust building aspect of any discussions you have.

However, more than a trust building tool, the Intent of any scene can be more important than any actual play. The Intent can be cathartic, it can be therapeutic, it can be simply for stress relief, it can be to work towards personal growth. I’ve seen, and heard, folks use BDSM activities as a tool for getting in touch with their Spirituality, and/or as a vehicle for performing ‘sex magic’. Sitting down and discussing the reasoning about why a series of actions should, or needs to, happen is a damn good way of helping to get what you need and want, in the manner that will work best to achieve that end for all involved.

It’s a reason I actively try to discuss Intent rather than just my desired intentions.

Oh, and doing something just because it arouses you and or your partner(s) is definitely an extremely valid reason too!

16Aug/13

Thoughts on BDSM Lifestyle and 24/7

I Yam What I Yam!

I Yam What I Yam!

by SweetGeekGoddess

(c) April 2011

“I Yam what I Yam” ~ Popeye

Gamer and I had an interesting discussion the other day about the several interpretations of a 24/7 BDSM relationship. The discussion began as it often does from various posts on Fetlife. We had both been reading posts that were discussing the difficulties of living the “lifestyle” 24/7. Neither of us subscribe or feel comfortable with a great deal of protocols in our lives and our relationship. As a submissive I am permitted a great many liberties that from what I understand from the writings and discussion with more formal households would be either punished outright or not allowed. I also have been asked many times how I reconcile my stubborn spunky nature with my desire to be submissive. I have been accused many times from more formal Dominants of being a ‘Toppy Little Bitch’ and I am sure Gamer has been asked on more than one or two occasions why he tolerates such behavior from me.

Some of the questions we get asked are: Do Gamer and I live the lifesyle 24/7? How do we manage our ‘vanilla’ life with that of our BDSM lifestyle? How do we integrate the two? For myself, I think the key here is an understanding and acceptance of self. Let me elaborate.

I have no doubt that I am a service submissive. I am naturally inclined to give of my talents and skills to those who have earned my admiration and respect. When I love you, whether as partner and/or friend I adopt you in my mind and heart as belonging to me. Thus, you become my responsibility to take care of and serve. I do this without thinking, at a visceral emotional level as naturally as breathing. For me, this is not a role I adopt a few times a week for shits and giggles. This is literally who and what I am. I accept this as part of my nature and how I identify as a person. If you were to meet me , you would discover a plump menopause queen, sharp tongued, quick witted, quick to laugh and very direct. I don’t call a spade a spade, I call a spade a fucking shovel. If you can’t handle the heat get the hell out of the kitchen.

Gamer is a sadist pure and simple. I can vouch for the fact that watching me squirm in pain coupled with orgasm makes his dick hard. He is pretty damn creative with what he comes up with in the ways to alternatively and sometimes simultaneously torture and pleasure me. He is dominant without a question, very protective and when he chooses to lay down the law, there is no doubt in my mind who is in charge. He worked law enforcement for many years and I can tell by the set of his jaw and the look in his eye where the limits are. He has a dark and devious mind. He is as subtle as I am direct. If you were to meet him in person you would find a handsome, affable, jolly Englishman with an easy laugh, a somewhat lazy demeanor, very personable and infinitely likable. Gamer’s sadism is as much a part of who he is as his easy laugh and love of a good beer.

We don’t have many formal protocols within our dynamic, we don’t have a list of rituals that we go through to find our head space. We don’t live the ‘lifestyle’ and we don’t distinguish between ‘vanilla’ and our BDSM. What we do, is live our lives with who we are with truth and acceptance. We do that 24/7, 365 days a year no matter how we label it or attempt to define it. Gamer is a mean fucker and a sadist and I am a submissive woman period. That is not contradicted when I demand good service at the grocery store or shift into overdrive to run an efficient household while working full-time in a demanding career. Gamer is no less a sadist and a Dominant when he chooses to delegate the day-to-day running of things to me. Not being big on micromanagement, Gamer gives me a great deal of leeway to do as I see fit, trusting that I will put his needs first and foremost.

Gamer is my Dominant, he is my Master, he is my Governor and the love of my life. I don’t need Gorean-like rituals and protocols to make that true or to serve him better. By being himself he inspires my love, my devotion and my service. One look from him can silence me instantly. One touch can have me kneel at his feet literally and/or figuratively. It matters little if we are dealing with our day-to-day lives amongst the ‘vanilla’ or in the bedroom. We are who we are.

We are Dominant/submissive, Master/slave, Daddy/girl. When we accept that about ourselves we no longer need the protocols, categories or labels such as ‘24/7’ or ‘BDSM lifestyle’ to make that true. We simply are who we are.

31Jul/13

The Morgana Scrolls: Journeys Of Enslavement And Freedom

Morgana Scrolls by Hannah Carrigan

Morgana Scrolls by Hannah Carrigan

Book Review by SweetGeekGoddess

(c) July 2013

“The Morgana Scrolls: Journeys Of Enslavement And Freedom” by Hannah Corrigan  is a darkly beautiful story of abuse and redemption.  The prose is both lyrical and magical transporting the reader into the tormented soul of a young woman whose journey out of the abyss of child abuse is both heart wrenching  and beautiful.

The sixteen-year-old  dancer rhia is enslaved by the Dragon-clan, a cult like BDSM group whose protocols are based on Gorean methodology.  Detached from her core identity  from years of abuse, rhia is targeted for rescue by another BDSM clan. Her struggles to recapture her core self are so well written, they read like tragic poetry both beautiful and sad.  Corrigan’s treatise on consent via her character Master James outlines some of the best principles for consent based BDSM I have ever read.  Corrigan  delivers her sermon powerfully, vividly and memorably.

This novella should come with some trigger warnings as it may generate emotional triggers in those who have suffered abuse.  Also, if you are used to a steady Hershey cheap chocolate diet of erotic pulp fan fiction you won’t find much in the way of masturbation fodder here.  Instead what you will find is very well written dark smooth expensive Belgian chocolate prose that melts on your heart the way you only find in good literature.

If you are fan of ’50 Shades of Grey’ you will be sorely disappointed in the novel.  If you are a well read BDSM practitioner who enjoys fine literature in addition to  a well placed flogger you will not be disappointed.  I myself, am looking  forward with much anticipation to the next installment.

29Jul/13

Serving Him ~ Sexy Stories of Submission

serving-him

serving him sexy stories of submission

by SweetGeekGoddess

(c) July 2013

Are you sick and tired of having your kink portrayed via poorly written fan fiction???  At last there is finally some smart, sexy and authentic stories about submission.  As a service and sexual submissive  I found these stories to not only be erotic but thought provoking.  Most of all they are AUTHENTIC.  How absolutely refreshing to read stories of submission portrayed with honesty and truth.  This is an absolute must read for anyone who wishes to explore the world of a BDSM erotically as well as authentically.  Did I mention authentic??

So ditch your ’50 Shades of Abuse and Poorly Written Tripe’ and reach for this beautifully written, smart, fun-filled erotic journey via the delightfully written stories in serving him sexy stories of submission.

You can get your copy at Amazon.com  HERE.

 

Here is one of our favorite kink educators Mollena reading an excerpt from the book.

29Jun/13

Being a Crabby Bitch is Part of My Charm

Being a Crabby Bitch is Part of My Charm

by SweetGeekGoddess

(c)June 2013
Let’s face it, language has power. How we express our thoughts and feelings leaves an indelible mark on those we interact with. Our words can heal, wound arouse or abuse. Midori the wonderful sex educator and bondage artist teaches a wonderful class on ‘Aural Sex’. Midori demonstrates how to use words as tools to arouse and entice our lovers. Some words like bitch, whore, cunt and slut can be used to evoke lust or rage depending on who is using them and how they are meant.

I know when the Governor softly whispers ‘slut’ in my ear that I melt for him. I know what he means by ‘slut’ and I am delighted with the moniker. Other words like ‘bitch’ used to be a very real trigger for me. I would take real exception to being called a bitch, even by him.

I am pretty outspoken, and have even been accused of calling a spade a fucking shovel. Needless to say being an outspoken female submissive in a BDSM community of old guard traditionalists, goreans and ex-Mormons can be a walk on egos/eggshells. I have lost count of the number of times I have been called “intimidating” or “bitch”. I remember clearly the time a community leader called me a ‘toppy little bitch’ within the Governor’s hearing. He immediately turned around while bringing me in close for a kiss and said, “Yes, but she is MY toppy little bitch.”

At that moment, I really understood and trusted that the Governor loves and appreciates me and my outspokenness. He isn’t intimidated by it in the slightest. He not only enjoys my honesty, but has come to count on it. It is part of our dynamic and our power exchange. As we both love language and innuendo it is become an aspect of our aural foreplay. I am the Kate to his Petruchio and it works.

Thanks to the Governor, I no longer associate being called a bitch, a cunt, a whore as a bad thing… or any other names that spew from the mouths of those bullies and twats who squirm at a bit of truth. I know my Governor loves me just as I am. He has endowed bitch, whore, cunt and slut with empowerment and strength. I embrace them and adore them as mine. Because no matter what you call me, I am and always will be “HIS“.