by Master James (Master James Fetlife profile can be found HERE)
All rights reserved used with permission of the author
Author’s Note: This is not a universal guide or a path to the proverbial “one true way”. This is written from my perspective as a Master in my own D/s & M/s relationships, and my perspective as the Master of the House of Cadifor. It is directed at submissives who would look to engage with me or my House in a Power Exchange dynamic.
Before you contemplate moving from the playground kinkster world of Topping & Bottoming and pursuing a D/s relationship of enduring Power Exchange, please contemplate the following:
You are entering into a D/s relationship. This by definition isn’t fair or equitable. It is hard, challenging, and often confronting. It is also incredibly rewarding, but it sure as shit isn’t fair.
The journey you are entering on is a long one, and many times along the way you will want to give up. The dedication required to stay true to the cause is greater than any other endeavour you may have undertaken, and you will suffer doubt and despair. At times like these you will need to draw upon that dedication. You have made a commitment and you are cheating your true self if you don’t see it through.
For D/s to work total 100% honestly from the submissive is a non- negotiable requirement. Your new Owner needs to get to know ever intimate part of you, the good and the bad. Withholding is not allowed for a sub. On occasions, your Owner may withhold for management purposes. Again; this isn’t fair. Get used to it.
You are going to be given tasks to complete, and protocols to implement. These will start off small and simple, but they will grow. You are expected to put in maximum effort and apply yourself to all things to your best ability. Lack of effort shows and undermines the faith your Owner will have in your ability and willingness to complete future tasks. If you have questions or doubt regarding a task or protocol, communicate this openly and honestly with your Owner.
Trust works its way into every other aspect of D/s. If you don’t have trust, then you don’t have anything. You need to trust that your Owner wants the very best for you, that your owner is doing what is necessary out of unselfish motives.
You are going to have to give up many things in order to gain the benefits of deep submission in a caring and nurturing D/s relationship. As you hand over power to your Owner, all the things that were once rights, become privileges: sexual gratification, sexual relationships, privacy, pleasure pain, play, pride, shame, and much of what previously was considered your sense of self.
As stated above; this is a long road to travel. It is a marathon, not a sprint. There will be bumps along the way, and mistakes will be made; both by yourself and your Owner. As you slide further into D/s you will often feel needy. You will want things from your Owner and you will want them “now”. You will need to develop the patience required to focus on the long term, rather than the immediate.
D/s isn’t easy, but it is rewarding. Know what you’re getting into, if you want to get the most out of it. But just like everything else in life; you get out, what you put in.